True happiness comes from within. Stop seeking so hard to find it. Create it.

True happiness comes from within. Stop seeking so hard to find it. Create it.

OWN Who You Are

Found this over @ Karen Salmansohn's Blog!  Gotta LUV this girl!

We live in a world where we can become like robots, conditioned to believe in certain ideas of what is “right” and what is “wrong.” We become disillusioned to believe that there is one kind of pretty, one kind of business model, and one kind of perfect man/woman. Good news. It’s not so.
The truth is, this place we call earth, is very complex and mystical. It can’t be separated into wrong or right, or this way or that way. Real life lives in the cracks and pauses…in the moments of stillness and the songs that the earth sings that you can only hear in quiet moments with your heart. This life is a full spectrum of wonderful colors and things beyond our wildest dreams. Animals that can speak, dogs that can count, people without legs who can win Olympic championships, victims of abuse who can transform pain into inspiration. Life is full of strange and miraculous events – as are we.
We must go inward to discover our own unique path – messy, delicious, hurtful, depressing, joyful as this path may be. This unique path is your core self – your true self. This core self must not be compromised by anyone else’s visions. Your core self is your life force, your energy, the thing that moves you and lifts your spirit – the thing that ignites your spark. Don’t dim it for anyone. And definitely don’t apologize for it. Simply OWN IT!
See, life is made up of stories, of experiences,of ways in which we perceive those experiences, of people and connections or lack thereof. It’s all about the small moments. The smells, and that one song that played on your prom date that still gives you butterflies 15 years later. Life is a beautiful web. Your unique story makes you,YOU! So go ahead and cherish it, swim in it, spread your unique vibe with the world by just OWNING who you are!
Become a cosmic explorer of your own life. Observe with a loving eye, all that makes you, you. The hardships, the joys, the passions, the views. Go deep in there. Take a flashlight and shine light on all of it. Don’t try to be cute and only own the studious, outgoing, courageous, big hearted loving person. Own the bitchy, the cranky, the vindictive, jealous, sometimes needy, angry part of you too. By shining light and owning all of you, this is how you become WHOLE. So get excited to own all of you, you cosmic superstar you!
by Christine Gutierrez,Founder of Sacred Space, www.sacredspacenyc.org.

The Girl In The Glass

The Girl in The Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for Self,

And the world makes you Queen for A Day,

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that girl has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or brother

whose judgment upon you must pass;

The person whose verdict means most in your life

Is the girl staring back from the glass.

She's the girl you must please, never mind all the rest,

for she's with you clear to the end;

And you've passed your most difficult, dangerous test

If the girl in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass;

But your final reward will be heartache and tears,

If you cheated the girl in the glass

-Author Unknown

Please Look A Little Deeper

photo via
NANA ROSA

Please don't judge me by my face.

By my religion or my race.

Please don't laugh at what I wear.

Or how I look or do my hair.

Please look a little deeper-

Way down deep inside.

And although you may not see it,

I have a lot to hide.

Behind my clothes, the secrets lie,

Behind my smile, I softly cry.

Please look a little deeper,

And maybe you will see

The lonely little girl

That lives inside of me.

Please listen carefully to her-

SHe'll show that she's insecure.

Please try to be a friend to her

And show her that you care.

Please just get to know her

And maybe you will see

That if you just look deep enough,

You will find the real me.

-Tiffany Trutenko

Let's Clean Up The Mess!

Right now, one percent of all American women—our sisters, mothers and daughters—are starving themselves; some literally starving and exercising themselves to death. Eating disorders are becoming an epidemic, especially among our most promising young women. These women and girls, whom we admire and adore, feel a deep sense of inadequacy and ineffectiveness. Anorexia nervosa is a confusing, complex disease that many people know too little about.
There is no blame in anorexia nervosa. Anorexia is not an indication that parents have gone wrong in raising their children. Cultural, genetic and personality factors interact with life events to initiate and maintain eating disorders.
Anorexia is not fun. Many people who strive to lose weight state, “I wish I were anorexic.” They fail to recognize the wretchedness of the disease. Anorexia is not about feeling thin, proud and beautiful; if you take the time to listen to an anorexic you will hear that they feel fat, unattractive and inadequate. They are scared and trapped.
Anorexia is not something sufferers can just “snap out of.” Anorexics’ minds are not their own; they are possessed by thoughts of weight, body image, food and calories. Many sufferers are not even free of the disease in their sleep, troubled by dreams of food, eating and exercise. Anorexia is an awful, lonely experience that often takes years to conquer.
Anorexia is hard on everyone involved. Living with someone with anorexia nervosa can be exasperating and confusing. To those who do not understand the complexity of the disorder, the sufferer’s behavior seems selfish and manipulative. It is often hard to remember that eating disorders are a manifestation of profound unhappiness and distress.
Anorexia can be deadly. It has one of the highest fatality rates of any mental illness. If you or someone you know shows the signs or symptoms of an eating disorder, take action, get educated and seek help.
Toby D Goldsmith, MD

Eating Disorders are now epidemic in the United States. Approximately 11 million women and girls struggle with anorexia and bulimia. Although the average age of onset is 14, girls are being diagnosed as young as 8.
In years past, an eating disorder stereotype existed. This person was female, white, usually first-born or an only child, a high achiever and from an affluent family. That stereotype is long gone. Today, anorexia and bulimia are equal-opportunity disorders. They flourish in every culture, race, ethnicity, socioeconomic group, and religion throughout our country. And, whereas eating disorders were once exclusively a female issue, this is no longer the case. Anorexia and bulimia are also on the rise in the male population.
In other words, no individual is exempt and no family is immune. The following is designed to provide parents with the information required to understand eating disorders and help prevent one from occurring in their home.
What is an Eating Disorder?
Eating disorders are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike depression or anxiety. Those with an eating disorder use food in an unhealthy manner to cope with unpleasant emotions or difficult life situations. Anorexia and bulimia are two of the most common and dangerous of these disorders.
Anorexia is defined by self-starvation. Those with this illness intentionally starve themselves to dangerously thin levels, at least 15 percent below what would be considered a normal weight. Anorexia is an addictive behavior. It is often accompanied by body distortion. This means the one practicing the behavior literally does not see what everyone else does. Regardless of how emaciated she becomes, she still sees an overweight girl in the mirror.
Bulimia is an extremely complex disorder that is difficult for most people to understand. It rarely occurs in very young children. It is far more likely to manifest in adolescents. When a girl has bulimia, she uncontrollably binges on large amounts of food and then purges through vomiting, starving, excessive exercise, laxatives, or other methods. This behavior also has addictive qualities. An individual with bulimia may purge more than 20 times a day.
Eating Disorders Contributing Factors and Warning Signs
What causes an eating disorder is highly individualized; it is rarely the result of one isolated event or life situation. Certain factors can contribute to the onset of an eating disorder in a child or adolescent girl. These include genetics; peer pressure; dieting; trauma; media influence; life transitions; athletics and perfectionism.
The most obvious sign of anorexia is extreme and rapid weight loss. These girls often diet obsessively, focus inordinate interest on calories, carbohydrates and fat grams, complain about being fat and display an extreme preoccupation with food. A girl with anorexia will never admit to being hungry, even though she is starving.
The key warning sign for bulimia is leaving quickly after meals and spending a long time in the bathroom. Visible indications of bulimia are scrapes on the fingers or hands, swollen glands in the neck or possibly broken blood vessels in the eyes. It is not unusual for a young person with bulimia to steal food from the family or a grocery store.
Body Image and Eating Disorders
Body image is how a person sees herself. It is rarely based on reality, but is far more defined by the culture in which she lives.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that places an absurdly high value on physical perfection and beauty. This obsession with perfection is most evident in the American media. Beautiful females are showcased everywhere, especially in magazines to promote any number of products. Often these photos have been altered or undergone a tremendous amount of computer manipulation to achieve perfection. The problem is, the girls scrutinizing these models believe they are real – that what they see is how that model actually looks.
By definition, adolescent girls are very self-conscious and body focused. When they compare themselves to these “perfect” females, they inevitably fall short. Their self-esteem takes a profound hit. They experience extreme body dissatisfaction. These girls can’t immediately grow taller or change their cheekbones, but they can lose weight. They start dieting. This is an eating disorder waiting to happen.
Parents and Eating Disorder Prevention
Although children are influenced everyday by many external factors, parents can play an important role in the prevention of eating disorders. Throughout a child’s life, food should never be used as a reward or punishment. Healthy, balanced eating should be modeled in the home. Exercise should be done for fun and health, not weight loss.
Mothers need to recognize the profound impact their own behavior has on their daughters. A mother who is always on a diet, obsessed with calories and fat grams, constantly weighing herself and focusing on clothing sizes, will encourage similar behaviors in her daughter.
Similarly, a father plays a vital role in the development of a daughter’s values and self-esteem. Although all parents are encouraged to avoid excessively complimenting or praising a child on her appearance, this is particularly critical where the father is concerned. While a girl is young, her primary male role model is her father. It is important for her to see that her value to him is not predicated exclusively on how she looks, or she is at risk for taking this same belief system and applying it to all men in adulthood.
Parental focus should be placed on a daughter’s unique talents or achievement in areas such as academics or athletics. Most important, every child should be highly reinforced for excellent qualities such as kindness, compassion or generosity.

Every day, girls experience peer pressure and are exposed to a host of negative media messages. That’s why it is so important to combat these issues through positive communication in the home. Parents need to talk about what truly has value in the real world and what does not. Value is found in the content of an individual’s heart and character, never the numbers on a scale. Further, when an eating disorder is indicated, early intervention by a specialized eating disorder treatment team is essential.
Due to the genetic component of eating disorders, anorexia and bulimia will probably always exist. However, through a great deal of love, support and open communication, parents can help their children develop a healthy relationship with food, combat the societal pressure to be thin, as well as maintain a strong self esteem and body image.

One of the most difficult parts of recovery is quieting the eating disorder voice and hearing your own voice again.
Most of us can understand feeling anxious around food and not being good enough or thin enough (thanks to our society and its dangerous diet mentality). But the voice of an eating disorder is nastier, relentless and seems omnipotent. It hurls insults and uses fear tactics. Sometimes, every hour on the hour. People who suffer from eating disorders typically report hearing a cruel and demeaning voice — one that says they aren’t good enough, should stop eating, must lose weight and must engage in eating-disordered behaviors.
It’s very important to realize that a person is separate from their illness. For many people with eating disorders, it’s especially hard to separate their identity from the illness.

UNCONTROLLABLE VOICES
“It wasn’t simply that I chose not to eat; I was forbidden to. Even thinking about forbidden foods brought punishment. How dare you, this voice inside me would say. You greedy pig.”- annonymus  former anorexic

The voice is overwhelming and feels unstoppable. But people with eating disorders can — and do — take back the power. Not engaging in eating disorder symptoms, and nourishing one’s body with food forces the voice to dissipate.
And here’s another myth: People can’t fully recover from an eating disorder.
As expert Julie Holland from The Eating Recovery Center said:
“Recovery takes commitment, dedication, hard work and time. However, full recovery is absolutely possible through finding the appropriate treatment professionals and program.”
If you have an eating disorder, remember that you are not alone in your struggle and you have the strength to recover. You deserve to seek treatment and get better. What are signs of anorexia?
Someone with anorexia may look very thin. She or he may use extreme measures to lose weight by:
Making her or himself throw up
Taking pills to urinate or have a bowel movement
Taking diet pills
Not eating or eating very little
Exercising a lot, even in bad weather or when hurt or tired
Weighing food and counting calories
Eating very small amounts of only certain foods
Moving food around the plate instead of eating it



www.nowfoundation.org says this:

Complications from eating disorders:
Complications from starvation and severe dieting:
Amenorrhea (absence of menstrual cycle)
Osteoporosis
Electrolyte imbalances, which lead to fatigue, diminished reflexes, kidney damage, cardiac arrhythmia, cardiac arrest, death
Cognitive impairment (i.e. clouded or distorted perception or thinking, difficulty concentrating, difficulty comprehending)
Dangerously low heartbeat and blood pressure
Severe abdominal pain
Sustained starvation can even lead to death
Complications from purging methods:
Vomiting: electrolyte imbalance that can lead to cardiac arrest and death; abdominal cramping; anemia; dehydration; headaches; tooth decay; tears in esophagus; chronic sore throat; difficulty swallowing
Diuretic Abuse: electrolyte imbalance, dehydration, muscle weakness or cramping, headaches, fatigue
Laxative Abuse: electrolyte imbalance, constipation, dehydration, muscle weakness or cramping, headaches, fatigue
Complications from compulsive overeating:
Diabetes
Hypertension
Cardiac problems




I am begging you to please step up and tell SOMEONE if you feel as if you have a disorder or are on the verge of one.

Let someone help, before you self-destruct. PALEEEZ!!!!!!!

Shedding Pain, Worry, Guilt & Shame

 I was out walking my dog Marley this morning and had such an AHA moment!  With it being a chili 34 degree's I was real hesitant about it, but my gut instinct told me to go for it anyhow. After all, God knows I need the exercise! Anyhoo, looking at all the tree's and the leaves on the ground got me thinking about something... The tree's were bare, tons of leaves on the ground and I started thinking, WOW...It is amazing how all these tree's have shed their leaves, bet they are pretty cold right now! Then I thought to myself, Cate, they will be fine, they are just shedding the old, to get ready for the new budding and flowering for spring.  OK, so this was my AHA moment.

Every New year, every spring, all we hear about is this.  New year, new you!  Spring is here, time to re bloom and get your life/goals/dreams together.  Well ya know what, I think it should start NOW.  We are here because of nature and this earth, and I think we should LEARN from it, more then we do.  The tree's and plants are SHEDDING their "yuckiness" NOW.  It is November, close to the holidays, cold and dreary. I believe this would be the perfect time, to start shedding OUR "yuckiness" as well.  Let's see... The year is about over.  Do you have any regrets?  Sure you do!  SHED them.  DO you have any guilt or feel some sort of shame for anything?  Maybe..Maybe not..If you do, SHED that too! DO you have unforgiveness or some sort of pain in your heart?  Shed that as well.  The Holidays are for Thanks, RIGHT?  We become thankful for our family, friends, what we have... Well, Why don't we ever Thank and appreciate OURSELVES a little more.  SHOW THE HOLIDAYS!  Show your family, friends and YOURSELF how very self-loving you can be. Show off your uniqueness! Your SHINE... Start the new year, new you makeover now!

To get more idea's, or learn more please shoot me an email today and I will email you back some FREE goodies that I have discovered!

Our Stories

Most info here from: Brene Brown- One of my many angels




Courage: In latin, means KUR. Which translates into heart/speak your mind, wth your heart.

Alhough most people do not translate it like this these days. Most say that this word mens BRAVERY. Which yes, is basically the same thing, and I will explain why...

It's all about telling our story... We, as people are wired to tell our story. We were not born to keep secrets. It's sad, but our culture has made us afraid to tell our stories.

Our culture is full of fear.  The media has done this to us, along with too many bad opinions from society. Way of thinking. 

We don't tell our stories, because we are afraid of not fitting in, beng accepted.

You have the media, trying to tell us how we should look, feel,  walk, talk, jobs we should have, how many babies we should be having, what kind of house we need to live in, etc.. The list goes on and on.

It's a shame, it's sad.

It's a shame, because society is getting more and more depressed , more and more teen girls, are not only committing suicide, but cutting, rebelling by running away, getting pregnant, quitting school, etc.. Why?  Because not only do they not feel good enough, but because they are having a hard time " speaking their voice".  Why ?  No-one listens anymore...

We feel like communication on our feeings, is a weakness. We hold things inside, that shouldnt be held there. It not only messes with us mentally, but physically as well.

So how do we overcome this fear of speaking from our heart?  Telling our stories?

Courage... We need to get thru to our culture and let everyone know, I am PROUD of my stories, I am Proud of who I am.  Listen up!

Don't be afraid of not fitting in... What IS fitting in?  The house, the car, the job, the clothes, the body???

Let me tell ya a little secret, If you are not happy with yourself, if you aren't LETTING it out, your story, than believe me, none of that material stuff matters. None of it.  You can be SUPERFICIALLY happy, sure... But you are letting your soul suffer... For what?  Acceptance from society.

In the end, none of this will matter.

Share your IMperfections, embrace them.

Believe you ARE enough!

Discover the Joy, the happiness, that you deserve.

Stop trying to be like someone else. You are unique and you have gifts, that were only given to you, to embrace, to share.

Live out loud!!!!!!!!!

Say " hell yes" to life, to your stories, to your heart.

Hugs & fairydust,

Catie

Leaps of Faith

I have to tell you, If it wasn’t for HAVI and Selma, I would not be where I am today. Not only where I am as in VIRGINIA, but a lot of where I am, emotionally. Thru my life coach training and lots of books, I have always been bombarded with “leap, and the net will appear” kind of stuff. But like Havi says, thinking about jumping off clips, taking leaps of faith, etc… Is well. Freaking terrifying.

It’s not really helpful, or necessary…. Those words burned right thru me, and left a permanent TATOO on my soul.  She is so right, its NOT necessary. What good is it, to have that feeling of fear. Hell, For so long, I have been afraid to take any LEAP. Sure, people say, that the NET will be there, or have FAITH.

Honestly, there is no reason that I can think of to have to work through that much fear. It just doesn’t make sense — and it’s totally unfair.( this is Havi, talking again here)

 It’s unfair, to feel so damn AFRAID of making a next step, especially when your internal or external angels and guides are telling you to get off your ass and just do it.  They are behind you all the way.  Trust them, your feelings and your intuition.  That’s the only faith I have now, my own intuition.

I look back at myself,  look at myself just a month ago.. scared to death, depressed, anxious.  All because I was afraid to trust my gut and just leave. “what if the net wasn’t there? What would happen? 

Now I just laugh at all that worry and anxiety and all the tears of being PETRIFIED, to make the move out of such a toxic place for me.  Faith didn’t get me here, the airplane did, my motivation did, my CHOICE, my decision, to finally get up the nerve to leave my comfort zone.  I did it.. ( My angels are partying hardy right now)

I am  not saying here, to have no faith, I am not saying that at all. I am just trying to tell you, the FEAR… Of leaving your comfort zone, the fear of not knowing what may happen, or if you will be able to survive and go on…Is Bullshit. Look that fear in the face and tell it to go straight to Hell…

That fear is your INNER vampires, just fucking with you.

You have the RESPONSIBILITY to be all you can be., right here, right now.

Go for It. Life is waiting for you. Give the universe a reason to sit up and party!

SO I leave you a quote from my cosmic twin, Sera Beak:

“ To all, who are afraid to show their true self- their true spirit that pulses passionately and playfully within, I have something to relay:  ECTASY CALLED… She wants her energy back.. with interest.

Hugs & fairydust,

Catie

Self-Esteem, Confidence ,Luv

I had a friend of a friend call me today- about life coaching. (I love it when I get word of mouth referrals)  Anyhow, of course we do the initial 10-15 minute introduction to each other, etc.  This girl is 56 years old. We will call her Betsy.

Usually, when people want and or feel they are ready for a coach, there is usually more than one issue at hand that they are seeking guidance for. NOT this girl!  It’s ALL about the SELF_ESTEEM ISSUE with her. She feels as if, she can get back some self esteem, everything else will fall into place, and ya know what, I truly believe that’s true. Because it ALL starts there.

So anyway, I have been getting things together and working with this issue all day, so I thought I would share just a few thoughts I have on this.

IN order to learn who you really are, You have to learn who YOU ARE NOT. Like Sera Beak says (:  It is NOT always pretty, not always fun. The truth will set you free, but it can hurt like 1000 bee stings and a bad colonic( www.serabeak.com)

Self esteem issues, are sometimes not really self –esteem issues, but what I call “soul issues” I feel, that if you TRULY< WILLINGLY< HONESTLY< PASSIONATELY KNOW yourself, I betcha that those self esteem “monsters will be GONE. Or they will be on their way out the door very soon.

Sure, this takes time, TRUST me, been there. You just need to get in the RING with those nasty mean monsters and fight all the negative self talk, etc… Your soul is stronger than those meanies.

You WILL win. Like I said, it doesn’t happen overnight. Takes time, and a lot of times, many many tears, but tears are CLEANSING To the soul. Just remember that. It will hurt like hell, but believe me, you will feel better.

Warning you though… Your personality will change. It will change for the better. You may want to tell your family members and close friends, that you are about to embark on a life changing journey. A journey that will lead you to idealistic euphoria.

There is so much more I can say here, and I really want to, but just a few basics for now.

• Learn to accept compliments.  This was really hard for me for so long. When someone compliments, smile and say “thank you” no “ oh, well, I usually look better,” or “ well, thought I was having a bad hair day, It usually does better, etc… We have all been there and done it. But we want to keep the positive with us, and when you reply with something like that, it puts negative energy in our minds, in our way of thinking.

Make lists of all your positives. – This may take a few days, but I am sure you will come up with many. List also, why you believe these are positive attributes! For example: I have great legs, a pretty smile, nice hair, etc… a heart of gold, name everything, even if just comes down to the little things, like nice nails, or great boobs even! Name anything and everything!  You are a goddess, you were born one, so let yourself shine.

Stop putting yourself down. People with low self esteem, tend to do this daily, many times a day. Look back at all those positive attributes, go online and find some positive affirmations or make a list of 10 things your INNER MONSTERS keep telling you, then turnt hem around into something positive. Create your own inspiration., tape them to your bathroom mirror, on your fridge, wherever, and repeat them to yourself thru out the day. Don’t let those inner mean monsters tell you anything negative. When a negative thought or emotion comes over you, just yell “STOP” and it will go away. When you show these monsters, that you mean business, and you start to become stronger and stronger, they will leave, as I mentioned before.

Do something new!  Is there something that you have thought about doing, that you may enjoy, and just haven’t done it?  Take dance lessons, take tennis lessons, or get a gym membership. Anything... When you exercise, you feel better. Like to be creative?  Buy some craft things, and go for it. Draw, paint, scrapbook, whatever. Get out of the daily routine and DO SOMETHING exiting and new. FOR YOU…. If you do not take care of yourself, respect and love yourself, no one is going to do it for you. Sorry, but that’s a true fact.

If you want or need to talk more about self-confidence, self-esteem, goal setting, etc… Please do not hesitate to email me. 

feminineinnocence@gmail.com

Like I mentioned before, lots of stay I can say about this issue, but must get to work for now!

Hugs and Fairydust,

Caitlin

Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within

Celebrating Life

Photo:




Celebration
I am celebrating my 45th birthdday on thursday. Well, not really celebrating, I have to work, and prabubly will just come home and write. Or watch Tv. No, I will most likely be doing homework.
Anyhoo. I stopped even acknowledging my birthday after i turned like 30 or something. I guess just always wanting to bury the fact, that I was getting older, and basically doing nothing with my life! I was failing as a parent, which is the worse feeling any mom could feel.
Guess what? Not this year. This year, I am going to celebrate like I have never before.

 WITHIN myself. It has been a long hard road, full of loss, loving and learning. 3 things that i believe every soul should feel. For many years, I not only lost family members, friends, etc.... I lost myself. Well, cant really say that either, for the fact that I dont even know if i ever belonged to myself. - to lose.

My Inner Bitch

  Ya know, We never know what the day will bring when we wake up. The universe always seems to surprise me. After I went on an interview today, to do some more freelance makeup artistry ( which I haven't done in.. ummm... a while)  need the funds.  Starting a new business, the money doesn't come easy.

  I checked my email. I had a young girl email me about some personal things. I picked up the cell, dialed her number, and we talked for 2 hours. ( thank goodness she has at&t)

She was told about me, thru one of her girlfriends, that I helped out about a year ago. She told her, that I saved her life. Made me feel sooooooooooo special. She said to me " Please save mine" I just wanted to hang up the phone, go grab her, give her hugs, and tell her I was there for her.

I am feeling tickles and hugs and love all over my body right now. I was going to write our whole conversation, but I will keep it to the minimum.

She is made fun of at school, because she is overweight. She has acne, she lives in a very poor neighborhood and her parents are both alcoholics and drug addicts. She went to live with her aunt for about 3 months, she passed away.
So now, back at home, she is miserable, scared to death and suicidal. She tried calling the hotlines, and guess what? No answer. How is that for those suicidal hotlines?  Anyhoo, she found out that her Best friend has been talking behind her back, etc... She is like... I wanna die.  She said that she was so sick and tired of the outside world, how they judged, looked at her and her family. She would never have anything, because of her grades, parents. etc....
Ya know what happened then?  A great big giant beam of a rainbow light came crashing thru ME.  I thought I was going to pass out.  Did I not feel so ashamed before? So lost? Yes, many times. But what that light was trying to tell me is.... Caitlin... In many ways, you still do feel that way. Not ashamed of my parents, but ashamed of who I was/ who I am.

Can you say, WAKE UP CALL... I have been counseling/coaching others for a while now. Sure I am really good at talking others thru heartbreak and pain... But my own?

I always wanted to "save the world"  The abused women and children. AND men. I wanted to let them know that it was ok to go. To get out, to be free. But what I have learned, in the past few months, I am not here to save the world. I am here to "serve the world".

I have the gift of helping others, and I will never give that up. Makes me feel great... But When I realized, I need to keep helping ME, I kind of panicked. No, I am lying, I did panic. My inner "boogyman" was yelling and screaming at me, cussing at me, etc... He has been hiding for a while. Maybe he went on a vacation or something, but let me tell ya , he is back and roaring. LOUD. 

See. I refuse to live by any rules. I refuse to listen to politicians, preachers, priests, my parents, bosses, etc... ( the preacher and priests deal is going to be in another post )

I decided a long time ago that I didn't need to live by anyone Else's rules, policy's whatever. Society has done all of this to people. BE this, Do that. You should or shouldn't do THIS OR THAT. Ya know what?  That is what is wrong with the teenagers I work with. Flippin Society....

So, what do I listen to? Who do I obey?  My inner self. My inner being. Not my inner boogyman, although he tries a lot... But my inner goddess. Divine, Higher self, whatever you wanna call it.

I am 44 years old and guess what?  No one has ever showed me the real deal. The true love, the anything.. Ya know why?  Because I didn't even know what any of it was. I have had not a single clue, who I was, why I was meant to be here, NOTTA.... Where did I came from?

Trust your inner light. Listen to it. Don't look to the outside world for acceptance. For advice on how you should look, what you should wear, etc... Hell, dress the way you want. Wear your hair the way you want. F*** everybody. Seriously.  Who are you?  Just be YOU... Because no one else will ever love you the way you deserve to be loved. FROM YOUR TRUE BEING.  You will not hear the truth, with all the busy-ness going on around you.  Dig deep. Listen to your inner "goddess" Trust her.
Involve into the women you are. You deserve to be. No-one else is going to do it for you.. Don't worry about "fitting in"  What exactly is that anyway?  Fit into what?  Someone else's perception on how things "should be"  BLA BLA BLA... What the HELL ever.  Don't fall for that for a second.....

always speak the truth, not to just others, but especially to yourself, even when it feels like a lie.

I hope you can really dig in and find your truth.  That's what being in this universe is all about.  Your wisdom, passion and purpose.  Never let anyone rob you of any of it.

Hugs,
Caitlin