Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Searching through old notebooks today, I found something I started to write back in 2006. 6 years later I feel as if it’s time to get it out there.
Yep, it is true when they say that the universe works in mysterious ways, and things will come when it is time. After ending another 2 year relationship (that seemed to always be when I decided to run) I went to stay with my brother for a while. I got really sick and just wanted to give up. On everything. I left my boyfriend, I had no job, I was living in a hell whole of a town and my mom hated me at the time. I had never felt so alone in my entire life. I asked my brother for a loan for 25.00 to buy some business cards and he said I needed to get to work and buy them myself. I just needed a start. Someone to help me get back on my feet and get a life. Every answer was a big fat NO.
I laid there sick for weeks, and wrote and wrote and prayed and prayed. I begged GOD to please show me a sign on what step to take next. I BEGGED. But guess what, there were no signs; I was getting no help so guess what? I called my ex boyfriend and asked to move back in. To me I really didn’t have much choice at this time. It isn’t that I didn’t want to work. It was such a small town, no jobs and I was determined to start my own company. Hey, at least he would help me get some business cards and at least feed me while I was in the process of trying to find myself and figure out my life. Cheating on me in the meantime, as always, but at this point I didn’t even care.
This is where this post comes in.
The only one responsible for you… is you… No one is going to make decisions for you- unless you let them. And guess what, if these people in your life are trying to make decisions for you, then I can guarantee these decisions are going to be the wrong ones. Why? Because who truly knows you? If you don’t know yourself well enough, to make a choice, to make a decision, then what the hell does anyone else know about you? Not a damn thing. It’s impossible.
Your spirit, your heart knows you. The only choice you have is to listen to it. It will guide you. Not an outside source. Not a parent, a girl/boyfriend, not a co-worker, fellow student, no one. Advice is great, sure… But when it comes down to designing your life. Living your life, living your purpose, the only choice is yours.
I love my mom more than anything, I truly do. But still to this day she thinks she knows me so well. Why? Of course it is because repeated patterns and mistakes that I have made in my life, but the secret is: she doesn’t have a clue who I am. Just until a couple of years ago, I had no idea who I was. What I wanted out of life.. Out of myself, out of my children – anyone. I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. But that was other people’s opinions drowning my mind. It was the abuse I was doing to myself clouding my every ounce of any integrity I had left. I was listening to everyone but me. My spirit.
The hardest lesson I had to learn was that the universe does want you to be happy. To live a healthy happy life. The universe wants you to succeed and surround yourself with a community of loving friends and family. The universe’s dream for you is to be truly authentic, love unconditionally and give your gift to the world. But at the same time your higher power will keep letting you fall and fail over and over again until you start to listen. You can’t numb yourself with addictions. You cannot numb yourself with men or women. You cannot numb yourself with self-pity… The higher power doesn’t feel sorry for you my sweetheart. Just like when you were a child and you continually kept doing same things over and over again that you knew were not right and would hurt you. After a while, your parents probably told you “you will learn eventually, I don’t feel sorry for you anymore” am I right?
Just like our parents the universe wants the best for us. It wishes for us to shine our light, live our best life.
So it is up to you to decide when you are going to start living it~ the right way.
Self pity is one of the worse things you can do to yourself. Forget about what people have said and done to you. Well, at least forgive. Because trust me, listen to a person who held so much unforgiveness in her heart, that after years and years, even my OWN heart abandoned me.
You are only hurting yourself. You are only denying yourself of the most wonderful life. Stop the blame. Stop the hate and have a little talk with your heart. It will be the sweetest hug you have ever felt.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Found this over @ Karen Salmansohn's Blog! Gotta LUV this girl!
We live in a world where we can become like robots, conditioned to believe in certain ideas of what is “right” and what is “wrong.” We become disillusioned to believe that there is one kind of pretty, one kind of business model, and one kind of perfect man/woman. Good news. It’s not so.
The truth is, this place we call earth, is very complex and mystical. It can’t be separated into wrong or right, or this way or that way. Real life lives in the cracks and pauses…in the moments of stillness and the songs that the earth sings that you can only hear in quiet moments with your heart. This life is a full spectrum of wonderful colors and things beyond our wildest dreams. Animals that can speak, dogs that can count, people without legs who can win Olympic championships, victims of abuse who can transform pain into inspiration. Life is full of strange and miraculous events – as are we.
We must go inward to discover our own unique path – messy, delicious, hurtful, depressing, joyful as this path may be. This unique path is your core self – your true self. This core self must not be compromised by anyone else’s visions. Your core self is your life force, your energy, the thing that moves you and lifts your spirit – the thing that ignites your spark. Don’t dim it for anyone. And definitely don’t apologize for it. Simply OWN IT!
See, life is made up of stories, of experiences,of ways in which we perceive those experiences, of people and connections or lack thereof. It’s all about the small moments. The smells, and that one song that played on your prom date that still gives you butterflies 15 years later. Life is a beautiful web. Your unique story makes you,YOU! So go ahead and cherish it, swim in it, spread your unique vibe with the world by just OWNING who you are!
Become a cosmic explorer of your own life. Observe with a loving eye, all that makes you, you. The hardships, the joys, the passions, the views. Go deep in there. Take a flashlight and shine light on all of it. Don’t try to be cute and only own the studious, outgoing, courageous, big hearted loving person. Own the bitchy, the cranky, the vindictive, jealous, sometimes needy, angry part of you too. By shining light and owning all of you, this is how you become WHOLE. So get excited to own all of you, you cosmic superstar you!
by Christine Gutierrez,Founder of Sacred Space, www.sacredspacenyc.org.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
The Girl in The Glass
When you get what you want in your struggle for Self,
And the world makes you Queen for A Day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that girl has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or brother
whose judgment upon you must pass;
The person whose verdict means most in your life
Is the girl staring back from the glass.
She's the girl you must please, never mind all the rest,
for she's with you clear to the end;
And you've passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the girl in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass;
But your final reward will be heartache and tears,
If you cheated the girl in the glass
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Please don't judge me by my face.
By my religion or my race.
Please don't laugh at what I wear.
Or how I look or do my hair.
Please look a little deeper-
Way down deep inside.
And although you may not see it,
I have a lot to hide.
Behind my clothes, the secrets lie,
Behind my smile, I softly cry.
Please look a little deeper,
And maybe you will see
The lonely little girl
That lives inside of me.
Please listen carefully to her-
SHe'll show that she's insecure.
Please try to be a friend to her
And show her that you care.
Please just get to know her
And maybe you will see
That if you just look deep enough,
You will find the real me.
Right now, one percent of all American women—our sisters, mothers and daughters—are starving themselves; some literally starving and exercising themselves to death. Eating disorders are becoming an epidemic, especially among our most promising young women. These women and girls, whom we admire and adore, feel a deep sense of inadequacy and ineffectiveness. Anorexia nervosa is a confusing, complex disease that many people know too little about.
There is no blame in anorexia nervosa. Anorexia is not an indication that parents have gone wrong in raising their children. Cultural, genetic and personality factors interact with life events to initiate and maintain eating disorders.
Anorexia is not fun. Many people who strive to lose weight state, “I wish I were anorexic.” They fail to recognize the wretchedness of the disease. Anorexia is not about feeling thin, proud and beautiful; if you take the time to listen to an anorexic you will hear that they feel fat, unattractive and inadequate. They are scared and trapped.
Anorexia is not something sufferers can just “snap out of.” Anorexics’ minds are not their own; they are possessed by thoughts of weight, body image, food and calories. Many sufferers are not even free of the disease in their sleep, troubled by dreams of food, eating and exercise. Anorexia is an awful, lonely experience that often takes years to conquer.
Anorexia is hard on everyone involved. Living with someone with anorexia nervosa can be exasperating and confusing. To those who do not understand the complexity of the disorder, the sufferer’s behavior seems selfish and manipulative. It is often hard to remember that eating disorders are a manifestation of profound unhappiness and distress.
Anorexia can be deadly. It has one of the highest fatality rates of any mental illness. If you or someone you know shows the signs or symptoms of an eating disorder, take action, get educated and seek help.
Toby D Goldsmith, MD
Eating Disorders are now epidemic in the United States. Approximately 11 million women and girls struggle with anorexia and bulimia. Although the average age of onset is 14, girls are being diagnosed as young as 8.
In years past, an eating disorder stereotype existed. This person was female, white, usually first-born or an only child, a high achiever and from an affluent family. That stereotype is long gone. Today, anorexia and bulimia are equal-opportunity disorders. They flourish in every culture, race, ethnicity, socioeconomic group, and religion throughout our country. And, whereas eating disorders were once exclusively a female issue, this is no longer the case. Anorexia and bulimia are also on the rise in the male population.
In other words, no individual is exempt and no family is immune. The following is designed to provide parents with the information required to understand eating disorders and help prevent one from occurring in their home.
What is an Eating Disorder?
Eating disorders are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike depression or anxiety. Those with an eating disorder use food in an unhealthy manner to cope with unpleasant emotions or difficult life situations. Anorexia and bulimia are two of the most common and dangerous of these disorders.
Anorexia is defined by self-starvation. Those with this illness intentionally starve themselves to dangerously thin levels, at least 15 percent below what would be considered a normal weight. Anorexia is an addictive behavior. It is often accompanied by body distortion. This means the one practicing the behavior literally does not see what everyone else does. Regardless of how emaciated she becomes, she still sees an overweight girl in the mirror.
Bulimia is an extremely complex disorder that is difficult for most people to understand. It rarely occurs in very young children. It is far more likely to manifest in adolescents. When a girl has bulimia, she uncontrollably binges on large amounts of food and then purges through vomiting, starving, excessive exercise, laxatives, or other methods. This behavior also has addictive qualities. An individual with bulimia may purge more than 20 times a day.
Eating Disorders Contributing Factors and Warning Signs
What causes an eating disorder is highly individualized; it is rarely the result of one isolated event or life situation. Certain factors can contribute to the onset of an eating disorder in a child or adolescent girl. These include genetics; peer pressure; dieting; trauma; media influence; life transitions; athletics and perfectionism.
The most obvious sign of anorexia is extreme and rapid weight loss. These girls often diet obsessively, focus inordinate interest on calories, carbohydrates and fat grams, complain about being fat and display an extreme preoccupation with food. A girl with anorexia will never admit to being hungry, even though she is starving.
The key warning sign for bulimia is leaving quickly after meals and spending a long time in the bathroom. Visible indications of bulimia are scrapes on the fingers or hands, swollen glands in the neck or possibly broken blood vessels in the eyes. It is not unusual for a young person with bulimia to steal food from the family or a grocery store.
Body Image and Eating Disorders
Body image is how a person sees herself. It is rarely based on reality, but is far more defined by the culture in which she lives.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that places an absurdly high value on physical perfection and beauty. This obsession with perfection is most evident in the American media. Beautiful females are showcased everywhere, especially in magazines to promote any number of products. Often these photos have been altered or undergone a tremendous amount of computer manipulation to achieve perfection. The problem is, the girls scrutinizing these models believe they are real – that what they see is how that model actually looks.
By definition, adolescent girls are very self-conscious and body focused. When they compare themselves to these “perfect” females, they inevitably fall short. Their self-esteem takes a profound hit. They experience extreme body dissatisfaction. These girls can’t immediately grow taller or change their cheekbones, but they can lose weight. They start dieting. This is an eating disorder waiting to happen.
Parents and Eating Disorder Prevention
Although children are influenced everyday by many external factors, parents can play an important role in the prevention of eating disorders. Throughout a child’s life, food should never be used as a reward or punishment. Healthy, balanced eating should be modeled in the home. Exercise should be done for fun and health, not weight loss.
Mothers need to recognize the profound impact their own behavior has on their daughters. A mother who is always on a diet, obsessed with calories and fat grams, constantly weighing herself and focusing on clothing sizes, will encourage similar behaviors in her daughter.
Similarly, a father plays a vital role in the development of a daughter’s values and self-esteem. Although all parents are encouraged to avoid excessively complimenting or praising a child on her appearance, this is particularly critical where the father is concerned. While a girl is young, her primary male role model is her father. It is important for her to see that her value to him is not predicated exclusively on how she looks, or she is at risk for taking this same belief system and applying it to all men in adulthood.
Parental focus should be placed on a daughter’s unique talents or achievement in areas such as academics or athletics. Most important, every child should be highly reinforced for excellent qualities such as kindness, compassion or generosity.
Every day, girls experience peer pressure and are exposed to a host of negative media messages. That’s why it is so important to combat these issues through positive communication in the home. Parents need to talk about what truly has value in the real world and what does not. Value is found in the content of an individual’s heart and character, never the numbers on a scale. Further, when an eating disorder is indicated, early intervention by a specialized eating disorder treatment team is essential.
Due to the genetic component of eating disorders, anorexia and bulimia will probably always exist. However, through a great deal of love, support and open communication, parents can help their children develop a healthy relationship with food, combat the societal pressure to be thin, as well as maintain a strong self esteem and body image.
One of the most difficult parts of recovery is quieting the eating disorder voice and hearing your own voice again.
Most of us can understand feeling anxious around food and not being good enough or thin enough (thanks to our society and its dangerous diet mentality). But the voice of an eating disorder is nastier, relentless and seems omnipotent. It hurls insults and uses fear tactics. Sometimes, every hour on the hour. People who suffer from eating disorders typically report hearing a cruel and demeaning voice — one that says they aren’t good enough, should stop eating, must lose weight and must engage in eating-disordered behaviors.
It’s very important to realize that a person is separate from their illness. For many people with eating disorders, it’s especially hard to separate their identity from the illness.
“It wasn’t simply that I chose not to eat; I was forbidden to. Even thinking about forbidden foods brought punishment. How dare you, this voice inside me would say. You greedy pig.”- annonymus former anorexic
The voice is overwhelming and feels unstoppable. But people with eating disorders can — and do — take back the power. Not engaging in eating disorder symptoms, and nourishing one’s body with food forces the voice to dissipate.
And here’s another myth: People can’t fully recover from an eating disorder.
As expert Julie Holland from The Eating Recovery Center said:
“Recovery takes commitment, dedication, hard work and time. However, full recovery is absolutely possible through finding the appropriate treatment professionals and program.”
If you have an eating disorder, remember that you are not alone in your struggle and you have the strength to recover. You deserve to seek treatment and get better. What are signs of anorexia?
Someone with anorexia may look very thin. She or he may use extreme measures to lose weight by:
Making her or himself throw up
Taking pills to urinate or have a bowel movement
Taking diet pills
Not eating or eating very little
Exercising a lot, even in bad weather or when hurt or tired
Weighing food and counting calories
Eating very small amounts of only certain foods
Moving food around the plate instead of eating it
www.nowfoundation.org says this:
Complications from eating disorders:
Complications from starvation and severe dieting:
Amenorrhea (absence of menstrual cycle)
Electrolyte imbalances, which lead to fatigue, diminished reflexes, kidney damage, cardiac arrhythmia, cardiac arrest, death
Cognitive impairment (i.e. clouded or distorted perception or thinking, difficulty concentrating, difficulty comprehending)
Dangerously low heartbeat and blood pressure
Severe abdominal pain
Sustained starvation can even lead to death
Complications from purging methods:
Vomiting: electrolyte imbalance that can lead to cardiac arrest and death; abdominal cramping; anemia; dehydration; headaches; tooth decay; tears in esophagus; chronic sore throat; difficulty swallowing
Diuretic Abuse: electrolyte imbalance, dehydration, muscle weakness or cramping, headaches, fatigue
Laxative Abuse: electrolyte imbalance, constipation, dehydration, muscle weakness or cramping, headaches, fatigue
Complications from compulsive overeating:
I am begging you to please step up and tell SOMEONE if you feel as if you have a disorder or are on the verge of one.
Let someone help, before you self-destruct. PALEEEZ!!!!!!!
Friday, November 11, 2011
I was out walking my dog Marley this morning and had such an AHA moment! With it being a chili 34 degree's I was real hesitant about it, but my gut instinct told me to go for it anyhow. After all, God knows I need the exercise! Anyhoo, looking at all the tree's and the leaves on the ground got me thinking about something... The tree's were bare, tons of leaves on the ground and I started thinking, WOW...It is amazing how all these tree's have shed their leaves, bet they are pretty cold right now! Then I thought to myself, Cate, they will be fine, they are just shedding the old, to get ready for the new budding and flowering for spring. OK, so this was my AHA moment.
Every New year, every spring, all we hear about is this. New year, new you! Spring is here, time to re bloom and get your life/goals/dreams together. Well ya know what, I think it should start NOW. We are here because of nature and this earth, and I think we should LEARN from it, more then we do. The tree's and plants are SHEDDING their "yuckiness" NOW. It is November, close to the holidays, cold and dreary. I believe this would be the perfect time, to start shedding OUR "yuckiness" as well. Let's see... The year is about over. Do you have any regrets? Sure you do! SHED them. DO you have any guilt or feel some sort of shame for anything? Maybe..Maybe not..If you do, SHED that too! DO you have unforgiveness or some sort of pain in your heart? Shed that as well. The Holidays are for Thanks, RIGHT? We become thankful for our family, friends, what we have... Well, Why don't we ever Thank and appreciate OURSELVES a little more. SHOW THE HOLIDAYS! Show your family, friends and YOURSELF how very self-loving you can be. Show off your uniqueness! Your SHINE... Start the new year, new you makeover now!
To get more idea's, or learn more please shoot me an email today and I will email you back some FREE goodies that I have discovered!