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" My lifelong dream is for every girl to unleash their wounds, heal their scars and to turn their lives and bodies into inner passion & unlimited possibility"- Catie

Catie Says!

This is my page for viewers to check out my advice.  I get emails daily asking questions and with approval, I put them here so you can see what ” I ” would say in the situation!

December 2, 2012
Question to MOI:

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now.  We both just turned  23 years old in April. We have had plans of getting engaged on valentines day of this year.  We have been living together now for over a month.  I had to work new years eve.  I came home to find a note to meet him at the local bar down the street.  I text him and told him that I had had a long day and I was too tired to go out and party .  He responded “  If you love me, you will do this for me, all of our friends are here” I then text back and said ” Go ahead and stay, I am exausted and just want to relax for the night with a movie and early bedtime, I love you, have fun”  what was his response?
Ok baby, If i get to wasted, I will have someone bring me home.  See ya tomorrow…..
I was fine for a minute, but after i thought about it, i got PISSED OFF.  I would respect him… For working 12 hours and being tired… I would WANT to come home to him and bring in the new years. after all, i can see my friends anytime.  We have not talked now for over 24 hours.  Am I wrong to be pissed off?  Should I respect HIM for wanting to stay out and party? I feel like I was put on the back burner…..
Catie says:
First of all….
Did you ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned? Did you know he had plans on going out with his friends at the bar? If you knew, then NO you cannot be upset…. If you came home and found just a note, and he responded the way he did with those texts…. I would feel violated as well. You both made choices here. He made the choice to stay out and not come home to bring the new year in with you. You made the choice to not go meet him… It IS a 2 way street… But so is communication… Being tired after working, everyone understands that…. Going out on new years eve at your age, having fun and partying, everyone understands that as well.
Did he know what time you were getting home? How long was he already there with his friends? I feel as though he SHOULD have come home and celebrated the new year with you.. YES… But if you knew of his plans before you went to work then being upset is not an option. Being HURT- Yes… Upset NO….
Respect works in so many ways. I feel as if he was thinking more of himself and his friends that night, then he was of you. Thats my opinion….
Don’t go marrying a guy who has no respect for you, it will only end in disaster. But like I said, it works both ways. Shoot me back an email and answer the questions I asked. I may have better answers….
No… He told me that he was going to go purchase some movies, make some popcorn and get some beer.  That he would be at home waiting for me.  I came home and found the note. We made plans TOGETHER.  He said that his friends had called him 2 hours earlier and asked him to come down….. I am so hurt.

2 thoughts on “Catie Says:”

Well, I do have a couple opinions about this, first of all, you are entirely too young and haven’t been with this guy long enough to get married…….. I say this as a 50 year old women and I’m married! Secondly, he changed his mind, because young guys do that. Their easily swayed by their buddies. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, I know, NYE, but really, you were tired and it was late. If you notice my key word there is, young! He needs more time to grow up and act like a man, than you need to be a women. It really is true, women are more emotionally mature than guys are. Remember this and try to stay single for at least a few more years. Establish yourself, in your relationships and in your career…….. it’s going to stymie your development in both areas if your boyfriend is immature. Good luck!

Hi. Nice to meet you
This is part of an email I received from a 16 year old girl who lives in Washington.  Sometimes I wish my passion didn’t lie in the world of teens that are hurting, because having children of my own, it is excruciating to hear some of these stories.  What makes it so painful is that society turns their heads of these sorts of things, and then wonders why we have such a high eating disorder, depression and suicide rate among teens.  Not just in the United States, but globally. These kids get lost…. They get lost and unfortunately there is no lost and found box that they can just go put themselves in hoping and waiting for someone to come find them.
As a life coach, I know that people do get tired of hearing “be authentic”, find your inner truth, blab la bla.  There is no self help book out there that will help these kids “find themselves” when they are so far lost, they don’t even know where earth is anymore.  I understand this, but there is hope for them.  The hope lies in finding someone to care enough to listen to their story. 
So going back to Shari from Seattle.
  To: "bodyliciousxo@gmail.com" <bodyliciousxo@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 7:23 AM
Subject: Hi, its Shari from Seattle
I saw your blog and wanted to let you know a little about what teens go through.
‘Be authentic you say?  How in the hell can I be authentic when I have no clue who I am?
I am who others perceive of me. I am the cheerleader, the head of the animal organization at my school. I have red hair and I am 5’6” tall.  I have 2 brothers.  I live in Seattle.  Yep, that’s me, that’s all I know”
 “For 16 years I have always been the good little girl.  Wore the pretty dresses that my parents bought for me, played soccer and became a cheerleader because after all, my mom was a cheerleader and she said it’s the best way for me to become popular and make new friends. I have had the same boyfriend for 8 months now, who I like, but not really interested in, but guess what?  His dad and my dad work together, hang out together and are best friends.  So for me to tell anyone how I really feel, would tear out two families apart.  I go see movies he wants to see. I ride around with him to places he wants to go.  I hang out with his friends and I have even learned how to ACT like he thinks I should.  I am over this.  I am over living for everyone else and how everyone else expects me to live, to be.  I cannot wait until I am 18, so I can leave this place.  ALONE.  Maybe then, I will figure out who I am and become AUTHENTIC.”
My 2 cents:
It is important to figure out what matters to you.  Don’t get lost in a life that does not serve you.  It is important to explore the side of yourself that is hurting, that is curious and wondering who you truly are.  I am not talking about being “authentic” here; I am just talking about discovering parts of you that have been hidden for so long because you have lived by others wants and desires.  The journey never ends when it comes to finding out who you are.  You will discover new things every single day that inspires you.  Don’t feel pressured about trying to figure it all out now.  It takes time.  Try on a few different identities and see how you feel.  Just like a dress, or a pair of jeans.  You will know when you feel beautiful and what fits right and comfortable.  Don’t ask anyone else’s opinion.  Just sit with it. Feel it. Go with it.  Your heart won’t let you down.  You must create your own belief system.  Not what everyone else believes.  What you believe.  What do you believe to be fun?  What do you believe holds a special place in your life?  What do you believe makes YOU special?  What is important to you?  Ask yourself these questions.  You are not supposed to have it all figured out right now. 
Things will get blurry sometimes, because of the negative thoughts that run through our minds.  It happens to everyone.  Just sit back, breathe, hold your own hand and ask your inner self for guidance.  Push yourself beyond your comfort zone.  Try on new experiences as well.  Meet new friends, throw away those dresses and get you some clothes you feel good in.  Eat what you want, go where you want to go to experience new things.  If no one likes it, or disagrees with you… That is their deal, not yours.  The sooner you start discovering who Shari is, the sooner your life will begin to flourish. Don’t get caught up in the downward spiral of letting go of hope and wanting to be alone like you mentioned.  It is no fun in that place.  You deserve it all- All you gotta do is go for it.

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