Just Let Go

photo: weheartit.com



I am one to admit, for so long, I lived in the past. I lived with shame and self-hatred, for so many things that happened to me and what i did or didn't do. When my son committed suicide, for years I thought It was all my fault. I blamed myself, for not being a good enough mother. When my daughter was kidnapped from me, and I had to leave my other son, to go search for her.... It was my fault. She was taken from me, because I didn't deserve her. I left my son with my mom, to go find her. I had thought I didn't deserve him, either.

The point... All these tragic things happened to me ( and i hate this cliche) FOR A REASON.. But I don't know how else to put it. I have tried to fight my inner shadows ( ego) on this for some time now, but cannot quite shake it off. Through my psychology and life coaching classes, i heard a thousand times... You go through things, you go through pain, heartbreak, devastation.... You experience all that, because it drives you to your passion, your purpose here on earth. You couldn't tell me all that just a year ago, no way, I would have told you to go away, and in my mind, probably would have slapped you into another universe. ( Although , i am NOT a violent person) just still in so much pain over everything. SO to make this short today, I am just stressing to you, To please let the past go. Forgive yourself, for any mistakes you think you have made. Forgive others. Oh my GOSH that is the hardest thing to do! But it can be done. It's almost a new year. Do not start it off, with any regret or harsh feelings towards anyone, but most importantly... yourself. 

My passion and purpose here, is to help teen girls discover who they are. Hopefully, I can reach out to girls from the age of 3 or so. When they can learn to read, and really listen. I have reached out, contributed to, etc... many abuse and domestic violence causes but I am here to help these girls, from moment one KNOW who they truly are and who they can be.In My heart, I know this is the REAL PREVENTION of all the nasty abuse. We can donate money everyday to all the causes, but I don't see how this really helps. It may help by providing shelter and counseling, sure... But i am here, to get to the root of the problem. Helping Girls & women know they have a choice. The choice to discover their true inner being, to have so much self love, that not even the wildest Tiger can hurt her.
 I only wish I had known this stuff at an early age. I wouldn't have gone through as much as i did.  STRONG, COURAGEOUS, SELF LOVING. This is what it is all about. No girl of mine, will put up with any abusive person. They are going to have the strength to let go and walk away. Just like I am asking you now. LET GO of the past, just walk away... Your future is waiting. The universe needs you. We all need you, to become the happy, wonderful Goddess that you are!!!!!!!!!!

Xo,
Catie

What is YOUR purpose?

This may not be the smartest thing to do, But I am feeling a little frisky today. It's weird to feel extremely happy and so much sorrow at the same time. So I am going to share my innermost feelings today.

I have met some beautiful people in the blog world lately, who have totally turned my life around. Last week, for the 2nd time I read Debbie Ford's book, The dark side of the light chasers. This book will totally transform your life.  With getting back into my yoga and meditation, things just have seemed to be coming together for me, in so many ways. It has everything to do with, opening your heart and your mind. Getting rid of your shadows, learning forgiveness, and finally accepting the great divine that is within you. When you do that, all the doors start opening so fast, you don't know where to begin.

When you finally know, well ACCEPT... ( For I have known for some time ) when you realize and accept your purpose in this life, it will make you cry. Tears of happiness of course. Well, I can't even really say that it's happiness as much as it is relief. You soul just FEELS that it is so right. It's one of the best feelings in the world. Although I did kind of get upset for a second or two, because I thought that I have wasted so much time and energy in other things I thought I should be doing. But It was only for a quick minute. Because... If I hadn't of done all those things I wouldn't be as strong as I am today, as knowledgable, and TRULY on my Life's path of helping others.

I am a healer. I have always been one. Since as far back as I can remember. I am a victim of abandonment and abuse. I chose to work with these types of women and children over the years, to only find it extremely devastating, because of the system. Nothing seemed to work out for these people. Whether it was not enough shelters, foster parents, whatever. I have not been fortunate enough to take these people into my home, like I wanted to on many occassions trust me. But I did take every single one into my heart. No, I cannot save all of them, but I am on a mission, to try and help save at LEAST one at a time.

I have been a writer all my life as well. I started a novel years ago ( only to have it destroyed by my ex husband ) . I have started over on many occassions. But after my epiphany last week, I have put it aside to write other things. I am starting a book for teenage girls. Ya know, there are places you can go to donate to Domestic violence, child abuse, etc.... But what does that do? I sure know one thing.  In the 5 states I have lived in, there were MINIMAL resources for these victims. Claiming that the state does not have enough funds for these things. So this is my calling. I am going to teach girls, hopefully at a young age, to love and cherish themselves. To get to the core of their being, their soul, their heart. That is the first step. If they learn now, then For the majority of them, I am thinking that it will prevent them from being a victim of Domestic Violence. Why?  Because they will be strong and courageous. They will have enough self esteem and self respect to NOT get involved with someone who treats them badly. And if they do, of course not always knowing the "bad side" of all people, they will at least have the courage to LEAVE a situation if that occurs. After working with many women who have been victims, nothing irritated me more, or made me more sad, then them STAYING. Having 1000's of excuses why they could not leave. Again, My calling is to PREVENT this horrible violence and abuse, as much as I can. The young girls these days.... So many have broken homes, are victims of abuse from parents and boyfriends, are having babies way to young, so many are taking their own lives, because they see no way out, or see themselves unloved and useless. There was a 39 % increase in the year of 2009 of TEEN parents applying for welfare benefits.

 As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, you must have PASSION for what you are doing. I do. Sometimes I think way too much!  So wish me luck on my new journey.
Hugs & Fairydust,
Catie

P.S Here are a couple of the women who truly helped me!

juliekrull.com ( gotta read her everyday)
mandalareflections.com - Michele Edwards Harshenin- she is AMAZING!

Affirmation

 

I Love Myself Affirmation

By Louise Hay

Deep at the centre of my being,
there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface.
It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness,
my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions
and returns to me mutliplied.

The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.
The supply is endless.
The use of love makes me feel good,
it is an expression of my inner joy.

I love myself;
therefore, I take loving care of my body.
I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages,
I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly
responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore provide for myself
a comfortable home, one that fills
all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.

I fill the rooms with the vibration of love
so that all who enter, myself included,
will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself; therefore I work at a job I truly enjoy
doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities,
working with and for people I love and who love me,
and earning a good income.

I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving
way to all people for I know that that which I give out
returns to me multiplied.

I only attract loving people in my world,
for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore I forgive and totally release
the past and all past experiences and I am free.

I love myself; therefore I live totally in the now,
experiencing each moment as good and knowing that
my future is bright and joyous and secure,
for I am a beloved child of the Universe
and the Universe lovingly takes care of me
now and forever more.

And so it is.

by Louise Hay, from “You Can Heal Your Life”

The Manifesto of Encouragement

right now:
There are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endlessly reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness.
Someone you haven't met yet is already dreaming of adoring you.
Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.
Nuns in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of God's children.
A farmer is looking at his organic crops and whispering, "nourish them."
Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you. Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favourite food is, and treat you to a movie. Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give you -- for free.
Something is being invented this year that will change how your generation lives, communicates, heals and passes on.
The next great song is being rehearsed.
Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their heart chakras and wrapping it around the earth.
Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and will always be that way.
Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they'll be thriving like never before. They just can't see it from where they're at.
Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to ARRIVE, will get precisely what they want -- and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in it's reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all "So worth the wait."
Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression off of their psyche -- this luminous juju is floating in the ether, and is accessible to you.
Someone just this second wished for world peace, in earnest.
Someone is fighting the fight so that you don't have to.
Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, and your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time, and that you are generally safe. Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.
Someone is regaining their sanity. Someone is coming back from the dead. Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable. Someone is curing the incurable.



You. Me. Some. One. Now.

From the great:  http://whitehottruth.com/
Thanks Danielle!

Emotional Creature

I am an emotional creature.
I am connected to everything and everyone.
I was born like that.
Don’t you dare say all negative that it’s a teenage thing or it’s only only because I’m a girl.
These feelings make me better.
They make me ready.
They make me present.
They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.
There is a particular way of knowing.
It’s like the older women somehow forgot.
I rejoice that it’s still in my body.
I know when the coconut’s about to fall.
I know that we’ve pushed the earth too far.
I know my father isn’t coming back.
That no one’s prepared for the fire.
I know that lipstick means more than show.
I know that boys feel super-insecure and so-called terrorists are made, not born.
I know that one kiss can take away all my decision-making ability and sometimes, you know, it should.
This is not extreme.
It’s a girl thing.
What we would all be
if the big door inside us flew open.
Don’t tell me not to cry.
To calm it down
Not to be so extreme
To be reasonable.

I am an emotional creature.
It’s how the earth got made.
How the wind continues to pollinate.
You don’t tell the Atlantic ocean to behave.
I am an emotional creature.
Why would you want to shut me down or turn me off?
I am your remaining memory.
I am connecting you to your source.
Nothing’s been diluted.
Nothing’s leaked out.
I can take you back.
I love that I can feel the inside of the feelings in you,
even if it stops my life
even if it hurts too much
or takes me off track
even if it breaks my heart.
It makes me responsible.
I am an emotional
I am an emotional, devotional,
incandotional, creature.
And I love, hear me,
love love love
being a girl.

Eve Ensler, a playwright and activist, is the founder of V-Day, a global movement to end violence against women and girls. In conjunction with I AM AN EMOTIONAL CREATURE, V-Day has developed a targeted pilot program, V-Girls, to engage young women in our "empowerment philanthropy" model, providing them with a platform to amplify their voices.

I Want All of These! LUV this look

Trying to figure out what to write today, for inspiration. My mind is Blank, so I doubt that most of you will find these pictures inspiring, But I do... Guess I am being a little selfish today. Down in the dumps with the Holidays coming up, and my son is over in Japan.... Have a Great Tuesday!

Most of these pics were borrowed from foreverboho.com

November Giveaway

Since registration has now opened for my new E course :  Ambrosia girl... I have had a few people asking about discounts. So what I have decided to do is to have a giveaway.  All you have to do, is
FOLLOW me, on facebook, google and twitter.  Then, go to one of my post, and / or pages, and leave a comment.  Winner will be picked randomly on December 1st, 2010.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!

We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind
And trouble will follow you
As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with a pure mind
And happiness will follow you
-Dhammapada
I truly believe this darling! Bad thoughts, create bad moods, which then creates a bad day for you! Close your eyes, think of a happy thought. Maybe it is something you are looking forward too. A shopping trip, dinner with your BFF or beau. Making cupcakes, etc…Create a happy thought! Wear that thought in your mind and in your heart for the rest of the day, You will be amazed, when you realize how much your smiling!
Xo,
Catie

Ambrosia Girl registration is OFFICIALLY here!

Look to your right to find the registration form. Please complete all information and I will send you a confirmation Email. On the left is the Donate button for you to use. Just click it, and it will take you to your payment options.

A portion of the fee will be going to www.mentor-one.net I also use a portion of the proceeds to help troubled teens in the Indianapolis area, who are not fortunate enough to find help on their own.

Thanks so much for signing up! 2011 WILL be the year, of YOU, the year of your dreams!
Hugs & fairydust,
Catie

Upcoming E-Course

Who is Ambrosia Girl?
Close your eyes. Picture a girl standing before you-underneath a beautiful, Lucius, glowing tree. There is a huge smile on her face. Wind blowing in her hair. Hands around her heart. She feels feminine. She is free. She is sexy, boundless.
This girl is you.
This E-course will connect you to the awareness of all that is there for you. All the abundance the universe is ready to reveal. You and your heart. You will discover how to open up and connect with your soul. Your whole being. Your purpose.
We are all ambrosia girls! We are all connected in this universe by an invisible string. So let us join together and explore all the universe has to offer. What we have to offer each other. Let us clear out all the cobwebs and ghosts we have in our closet, and truly live. Thrive. Love. Not only each other, but ourselves. Lets witness together, our true calling.
Registration for Winter 2011… I decided on this day, Feb. 14th, because If we do not love ourself first, we cannot pretend to love another.
Course: Ambrosia Girl
Dates: Begins Monday, Feb. 14th
Duration: 6 weeks
Registration Opens: November 15th, 2010
Registration is Closed When al 30 spaces in class are full.
Cost: 99.00
Join My mailing list and be notified of registration and Ambrosia girl E-course news.

On my journey, of finding true self-love, I have been asked by so many " how did you get thru all that?" Given away at birth, being adopted, abused, negleted, losing a child, losing yourself?
Sure, I had years of self - pity. There wasn't enough wine or marlboro lights to get me thru the days sometimes. I never dreamed that one body, one heart, one soul, could ever experience so much pain.
I created this E-course to share. Share our stories together. Tools that heped me along the way of self-acceptance. Including forgiveness, which is by far the hardest thing to do. Nourishing ourselves, inside and out- we have many chances in life. We only have one soul, one heart, one body. Lets learn to embrace it.
Join me on this journey to discover the one and only YOU.
Throughout this course, there will be assignments. Included will be journaling, photo assignments, meditations, wellbeing exercises, movies to watch, and much more.
There will be emails & video messages from me. Podcasts to listen to.
Guest video's. ( feel free to submit yours to share with me, or the whole class)
Access to private database where you can post all your assignments.

FAQ's

1. What is included in the course?
-private blog where I will post video messages & assignments throughout the week
-Free teleconferance calls, with the whole class. Or one on one calls if you want to be kept private.
-Private LOVE SPACE database where your assignments can be written, posted and discussed.
-For the luv of YOU... weekly inspirational emails.

2. What materials will I need?
-computer, internet access
-Journal & your choice of writing materials
-Camera ( you can eve use a disposable )
-Old magazines, crayons, watercolors, posterboard, etc...
- A DESIRE TO BLOSSOM!!!

3. Do I have to participate on conferance calls with the whole class?
-No... I can do one on one calls to keep private if you wish.

4. What will I gain thru this E-course?
-A journey to get you to stop the self-sabatoging, to empower all the negative self-talk. You will gain insight to your soul. Your hearts true desire. Self Love.
- You will gain insight you need to be courageous, loving, fulfilled. and most importantly, your truest gorgeous self.

5. Where do i begin?
- registration will be open November 15th. On the OPEN DAY ECOURSE page- the details of payment will be listed. I will then begin emailing materials, video on how to get a head start, and all my personal contact information.

Exactly

Who is to blame?

"It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or time or fortune but just yourself that kept things from you "  Lillian Hellman.

Wow, how powerful is that??

If you have read about me in "my story, part 1 & 2, you already have an idea, on some things I have been thru in the past 40 some years.  But I am writing this today, because I think it's very important.
Finding out horrible news at the age of 14, It all went downhill from there, with the feeling-sorry-for-myself attitude. I felt like, i had to become what society wanted me to become. Countless jobs, boyfriends, moving from here to there. Failed, failed a lot. All i could do is always put the the blame on my parents, or whoever else was in my life at the time.  It wasnt me!!! How could I be causing my own failure and heartbreak?  I was a good person. I did everything everyone asked me to do... I always put what i wanted to do, on the back burner... I would always say " someday" someday I will have, do, accomplish and love what i want. And each new dream, would die a quiet death.
When "someday" denies your needs, it haunts you...It can be a very delicate situation when our authentic dreams interfere with societys plan.
Do not settle for playing it safe. Don't settle for anything less then your dream. Don't settle for anything less, than who YOU TRULY ARE...
In the book, "The courage to be happy" Dorothy Thompson reminds us.  One cannot be disillusioned of what one never put faith in, ESPECIALLY OURSELVES"
Think about that for a while... Let that be your mantra for today, well... for everyday.
Hugs & fairydust,
Catie