Our Stories

Most info here from: Brene Brown- One of my many angels




Courage: In latin, means KUR. Which translates into heart/speak your mind, wth your heart.

Alhough most people do not translate it like this these days. Most say that this word mens BRAVERY. Which yes, is basically the same thing, and I will explain why...

It's all about telling our story... We, as people are wired to tell our story. We were not born to keep secrets. It's sad, but our culture has made us afraid to tell our stories.

Our culture is full of fear.  The media has done this to us, along with too many bad opinions from society. Way of thinking. 

We don't tell our stories, because we are afraid of not fitting in, beng accepted.

You have the media, trying to tell us how we should look, feel,  walk, talk, jobs we should have, how many babies we should be having, what kind of house we need to live in, etc.. The list goes on and on.

It's a shame, it's sad.

It's a shame, because society is getting more and more depressed , more and more teen girls, are not only committing suicide, but cutting, rebelling by running away, getting pregnant, quitting school, etc.. Why?  Because not only do they not feel good enough, but because they are having a hard time " speaking their voice".  Why ?  No-one listens anymore...

We feel like communication on our feeings, is a weakness. We hold things inside, that shouldnt be held there. It not only messes with us mentally, but physically as well.

So how do we overcome this fear of speaking from our heart?  Telling our stories?

Courage... We need to get thru to our culture and let everyone know, I am PROUD of my stories, I am Proud of who I am.  Listen up!

Don't be afraid of not fitting in... What IS fitting in?  The house, the car, the job, the clothes, the body???

Let me tell ya a little secret, If you are not happy with yourself, if you aren't LETTING it out, your story, than believe me, none of that material stuff matters. None of it.  You can be SUPERFICIALLY happy, sure... But you are letting your soul suffer... For what?  Acceptance from society.

In the end, none of this will matter.

Share your IMperfections, embrace them.

Believe you ARE enough!

Discover the Joy, the happiness, that you deserve.

Stop trying to be like someone else. You are unique and you have gifts, that were only given to you, to embrace, to share.

Live out loud!!!!!!!!!

Say " hell yes" to life, to your stories, to your heart.

Hugs & fairydust,

Catie

Leaps of Faith

I have to tell you, If it wasn’t for HAVI and Selma, I would not be where I am today. Not only where I am as in VIRGINIA, but a lot of where I am, emotionally. Thru my life coach training and lots of books, I have always been bombarded with “leap, and the net will appear” kind of stuff. But like Havi says, thinking about jumping off clips, taking leaps of faith, etc… Is well. Freaking terrifying.

It’s not really helpful, or necessary…. Those words burned right thru me, and left a permanent TATOO on my soul.  She is so right, its NOT necessary. What good is it, to have that feeling of fear. Hell, For so long, I have been afraid to take any LEAP. Sure, people say, that the NET will be there, or have FAITH.

Honestly, there is no reason that I can think of to have to work through that much fear. It just doesn’t make sense — and it’s totally unfair.( this is Havi, talking again here)

 It’s unfair, to feel so damn AFRAID of making a next step, especially when your internal or external angels and guides are telling you to get off your ass and just do it.  They are behind you all the way.  Trust them, your feelings and your intuition.  That’s the only faith I have now, my own intuition.

I look back at myself,  look at myself just a month ago.. scared to death, depressed, anxious.  All because I was afraid to trust my gut and just leave. “what if the net wasn’t there? What would happen? 

Now I just laugh at all that worry and anxiety and all the tears of being PETRIFIED, to make the move out of such a toxic place for me.  Faith didn’t get me here, the airplane did, my motivation did, my CHOICE, my decision, to finally get up the nerve to leave my comfort zone.  I did it.. ( My angels are partying hardy right now)

I am  not saying here, to have no faith, I am not saying that at all. I am just trying to tell you, the FEAR… Of leaving your comfort zone, the fear of not knowing what may happen, or if you will be able to survive and go on…Is Bullshit. Look that fear in the face and tell it to go straight to Hell…

That fear is your INNER vampires, just fucking with you.

You have the RESPONSIBILITY to be all you can be., right here, right now.

Go for It. Life is waiting for you. Give the universe a reason to sit up and party!

SO I leave you a quote from my cosmic twin, Sera Beak:

“ To all, who are afraid to show their true self- their true spirit that pulses passionately and playfully within, I have something to relay:  ECTASY CALLED… She wants her energy back.. with interest.

Hugs & fairydust,

Catie

Self-Esteem, Confidence ,Luv

I had a friend of a friend call me today- about life coaching. (I love it when I get word of mouth referrals)  Anyhow, of course we do the initial 10-15 minute introduction to each other, etc.  This girl is 56 years old. We will call her Betsy.

Usually, when people want and or feel they are ready for a coach, there is usually more than one issue at hand that they are seeking guidance for. NOT this girl!  It’s ALL about the SELF_ESTEEM ISSUE with her. She feels as if, she can get back some self esteem, everything else will fall into place, and ya know what, I truly believe that’s true. Because it ALL starts there.

So anyway, I have been getting things together and working with this issue all day, so I thought I would share just a few thoughts I have on this.

IN order to learn who you really are, You have to learn who YOU ARE NOT. Like Sera Beak says (:  It is NOT always pretty, not always fun. The truth will set you free, but it can hurt like 1000 bee stings and a bad colonic( www.serabeak.com)

Self esteem issues, are sometimes not really self –esteem issues, but what I call “soul issues” I feel, that if you TRULY< WILLINGLY< HONESTLY< PASSIONATELY KNOW yourself, I betcha that those self esteem “monsters will be GONE. Or they will be on their way out the door very soon.

Sure, this takes time, TRUST me, been there. You just need to get in the RING with those nasty mean monsters and fight all the negative self talk, etc… Your soul is stronger than those meanies.

You WILL win. Like I said, it doesn’t happen overnight. Takes time, and a lot of times, many many tears, but tears are CLEANSING To the soul. Just remember that. It will hurt like hell, but believe me, you will feel better.

Warning you though… Your personality will change. It will change for the better. You may want to tell your family members and close friends, that you are about to embark on a life changing journey. A journey that will lead you to idealistic euphoria.

There is so much more I can say here, and I really want to, but just a few basics for now.

• Learn to accept compliments.  This was really hard for me for so long. When someone compliments, smile and say “thank you” no “ oh, well, I usually look better,” or “ well, thought I was having a bad hair day, It usually does better, etc… We have all been there and done it. But we want to keep the positive with us, and when you reply with something like that, it puts negative energy in our minds, in our way of thinking.

Make lists of all your positives. – This may take a few days, but I am sure you will come up with many. List also, why you believe these are positive attributes! For example: I have great legs, a pretty smile, nice hair, etc… a heart of gold, name everything, even if just comes down to the little things, like nice nails, or great boobs even! Name anything and everything!  You are a goddess, you were born one, so let yourself shine.

Stop putting yourself down. People with low self esteem, tend to do this daily, many times a day. Look back at all those positive attributes, go online and find some positive affirmations or make a list of 10 things your INNER MONSTERS keep telling you, then turnt hem around into something positive. Create your own inspiration., tape them to your bathroom mirror, on your fridge, wherever, and repeat them to yourself thru out the day. Don’t let those inner mean monsters tell you anything negative. When a negative thought or emotion comes over you, just yell “STOP” and it will go away. When you show these monsters, that you mean business, and you start to become stronger and stronger, they will leave, as I mentioned before.

Do something new!  Is there something that you have thought about doing, that you may enjoy, and just haven’t done it?  Take dance lessons, take tennis lessons, or get a gym membership. Anything... When you exercise, you feel better. Like to be creative?  Buy some craft things, and go for it. Draw, paint, scrapbook, whatever. Get out of the daily routine and DO SOMETHING exiting and new. FOR YOU…. If you do not take care of yourself, respect and love yourself, no one is going to do it for you. Sorry, but that’s a true fact.

If you want or need to talk more about self-confidence, self-esteem, goal setting, etc… Please do not hesitate to email me. 

feminineinnocence@gmail.com

Like I mentioned before, lots of stay I can say about this issue, but must get to work for now!

Hugs and Fairydust,

Caitlin

Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within

Celebrating Life

Photo:




Celebration
I am celebrating my 45th birthdday on thursday. Well, not really celebrating, I have to work, and prabubly will just come home and write. Or watch Tv. No, I will most likely be doing homework.
Anyhoo. I stopped even acknowledging my birthday after i turned like 30 or something. I guess just always wanting to bury the fact, that I was getting older, and basically doing nothing with my life! I was failing as a parent, which is the worse feeling any mom could feel.
Guess what? Not this year. This year, I am going to celebrate like I have never before.

 WITHIN myself. It has been a long hard road, full of loss, loving and learning. 3 things that i believe every soul should feel. For many years, I not only lost family members, friends, etc.... I lost myself. Well, cant really say that either, for the fact that I dont even know if i ever belonged to myself. - to lose.

My Inner Bitch

  Ya know, We never know what the day will bring when we wake up. The universe always seems to surprise me. After I went on an interview today, to do some more freelance makeup artistry ( which I haven't done in.. ummm... a while)  need the funds.  Starting a new business, the money doesn't come easy.

  I checked my email. I had a young girl email me about some personal things. I picked up the cell, dialed her number, and we talked for 2 hours. ( thank goodness she has at&t)

She was told about me, thru one of her girlfriends, that I helped out about a year ago. She told her, that I saved her life. Made me feel sooooooooooo special. She said to me " Please save mine" I just wanted to hang up the phone, go grab her, give her hugs, and tell her I was there for her.

I am feeling tickles and hugs and love all over my body right now. I was going to write our whole conversation, but I will keep it to the minimum.

She is made fun of at school, because she is overweight. She has acne, she lives in a very poor neighborhood and her parents are both alcoholics and drug addicts. She went to live with her aunt for about 3 months, she passed away.
So now, back at home, she is miserable, scared to death and suicidal. She tried calling the hotlines, and guess what? No answer. How is that for those suicidal hotlines?  Anyhoo, she found out that her Best friend has been talking behind her back, etc... She is like... I wanna die.  She said that she was so sick and tired of the outside world, how they judged, looked at her and her family. She would never have anything, because of her grades, parents. etc....
Ya know what happened then?  A great big giant beam of a rainbow light came crashing thru ME.  I thought I was going to pass out.  Did I not feel so ashamed before? So lost? Yes, many times. But what that light was trying to tell me is.... Caitlin... In many ways, you still do feel that way. Not ashamed of my parents, but ashamed of who I was/ who I am.

Can you say, WAKE UP CALL... I have been counseling/coaching others for a while now. Sure I am really good at talking others thru heartbreak and pain... But my own?

I always wanted to "save the world"  The abused women and children. AND men. I wanted to let them know that it was ok to go. To get out, to be free. But what I have learned, in the past few months, I am not here to save the world. I am here to "serve the world".

I have the gift of helping others, and I will never give that up. Makes me feel great... But When I realized, I need to keep helping ME, I kind of panicked. No, I am lying, I did panic. My inner "boogyman" was yelling and screaming at me, cussing at me, etc... He has been hiding for a while. Maybe he went on a vacation or something, but let me tell ya , he is back and roaring. LOUD. 

See. I refuse to live by any rules. I refuse to listen to politicians, preachers, priests, my parents, bosses, etc... ( the preacher and priests deal is going to be in another post )

I decided a long time ago that I didn't need to live by anyone Else's rules, policy's whatever. Society has done all of this to people. BE this, Do that. You should or shouldn't do THIS OR THAT. Ya know what?  That is what is wrong with the teenagers I work with. Flippin Society....

So, what do I listen to? Who do I obey?  My inner self. My inner being. Not my inner boogyman, although he tries a lot... But my inner goddess. Divine, Higher self, whatever you wanna call it.

I am 44 years old and guess what?  No one has ever showed me the real deal. The true love, the anything.. Ya know why?  Because I didn't even know what any of it was. I have had not a single clue, who I was, why I was meant to be here, NOTTA.... Where did I came from?

Trust your inner light. Listen to it. Don't look to the outside world for acceptance. For advice on how you should look, what you should wear, etc... Hell, dress the way you want. Wear your hair the way you want. F*** everybody. Seriously.  Who are you?  Just be YOU... Because no one else will ever love you the way you deserve to be loved. FROM YOUR TRUE BEING.  You will not hear the truth, with all the busy-ness going on around you.  Dig deep. Listen to your inner "goddess" Trust her.
Involve into the women you are. You deserve to be. No-one else is going to do it for you.. Don't worry about "fitting in"  What exactly is that anyway?  Fit into what?  Someone else's perception on how things "should be"  BLA BLA BLA... What the HELL ever.  Don't fall for that for a second.....

always speak the truth, not to just others, but especially to yourself, even when it feels like a lie.

I hope you can really dig in and find your truth.  That's what being in this universe is all about.  Your wisdom, passion and purpose.  Never let anyone rob you of any of it.

Hugs,
Caitlin

Just Let Go

photo: weheartit.com



I am one to admit, for so long, I lived in the past. I lived with shame and self-hatred, for so many things that happened to me and what i did or didn't do. When my son committed suicide, for years I thought It was all my fault. I blamed myself, for not being a good enough mother. When my daughter was kidnapped from me, and I had to leave my other son, to go search for her.... It was my fault. She was taken from me, because I didn't deserve her. I left my son with my mom, to go find her. I had thought I didn't deserve him, either.

The point... All these tragic things happened to me ( and i hate this cliche) FOR A REASON.. But I don't know how else to put it. I have tried to fight my inner shadows ( ego) on this for some time now, but cannot quite shake it off. Through my psychology and life coaching classes, i heard a thousand times... You go through things, you go through pain, heartbreak, devastation.... You experience all that, because it drives you to your passion, your purpose here on earth. You couldn't tell me all that just a year ago, no way, I would have told you to go away, and in my mind, probably would have slapped you into another universe. ( Although , i am NOT a violent person) just still in so much pain over everything. SO to make this short today, I am just stressing to you, To please let the past go. Forgive yourself, for any mistakes you think you have made. Forgive others. Oh my GOSH that is the hardest thing to do! But it can be done. It's almost a new year. Do not start it off, with any regret or harsh feelings towards anyone, but most importantly... yourself. 

My passion and purpose here, is to help teen girls discover who they are. Hopefully, I can reach out to girls from the age of 3 or so. When they can learn to read, and really listen. I have reached out, contributed to, etc... many abuse and domestic violence causes but I am here to help these girls, from moment one KNOW who they truly are and who they can be.In My heart, I know this is the REAL PREVENTION of all the nasty abuse. We can donate money everyday to all the causes, but I don't see how this really helps. It may help by providing shelter and counseling, sure... But i am here, to get to the root of the problem. Helping Girls & women know they have a choice. The choice to discover their true inner being, to have so much self love, that not even the wildest Tiger can hurt her.
 I only wish I had known this stuff at an early age. I wouldn't have gone through as much as i did.  STRONG, COURAGEOUS, SELF LOVING. This is what it is all about. No girl of mine, will put up with any abusive person. They are going to have the strength to let go and walk away. Just like I am asking you now. LET GO of the past, just walk away... Your future is waiting. The universe needs you. We all need you, to become the happy, wonderful Goddess that you are!!!!!!!!!!

Xo,
Catie