Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within

Celebrating Life

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Celebration
I am celebrating my 45th birthdday on thursday. Well, not really celebrating, I have to work, and prabubly will just come home and write. Or watch Tv. No, I will most likely be doing homework.
Anyhoo. I stopped even acknowledging my birthday after i turned like 30 or something. I guess just always wanting to bury the fact, that I was getting older, and basically doing nothing with my life! I was failing as a parent, which is the worse feeling any mom could feel.
Guess what? Not this year. This year, I am going to celebrate like I have never before.

 WITHIN myself. It has been a long hard road, full of loss, loving and learning. 3 things that i believe every soul should feel. For many years, I not only lost family members, friends, etc.... I lost myself. Well, cant really say that either, for the fact that I dont even know if i ever belonged to myself. - to lose.

My Inner Bitch

  Ya know, We never know what the day will bring when we wake up. The universe always seems to surprise me. After I went on an interview today, to do some more freelance makeup artistry ( which I haven't done in.. ummm... a while)  need the funds.  Starting a new business, the money doesn't come easy.

  I checked my email. I had a young girl email me about some personal things. I picked up the cell, dialed her number, and we talked for 2 hours. ( thank goodness she has at&t)

She was told about me, thru one of her girlfriends, that I helped out about a year ago. She told her, that I saved her life. Made me feel sooooooooooo special. She said to me " Please save mine" I just wanted to hang up the phone, go grab her, give her hugs, and tell her I was there for her.

I am feeling tickles and hugs and love all over my body right now. I was going to write our whole conversation, but I will keep it to the minimum.

She is made fun of at school, because she is overweight. She has acne, she lives in a very poor neighborhood and her parents are both alcoholics and drug addicts. She went to live with her aunt for about 3 months, she passed away.
So now, back at home, she is miserable, scared to death and suicidal. She tried calling the hotlines, and guess what? No answer. How is that for those suicidal hotlines?  Anyhoo, she found out that her Best friend has been talking behind her back, etc... She is like... I wanna die.  She said that she was so sick and tired of the outside world, how they judged, looked at her and her family. She would never have anything, because of her grades, parents. etc....
Ya know what happened then?  A great big giant beam of a rainbow light came crashing thru ME.  I thought I was going to pass out.  Did I not feel so ashamed before? So lost? Yes, many times. But what that light was trying to tell me is.... Caitlin... In many ways, you still do feel that way. Not ashamed of my parents, but ashamed of who I was/ who I am.

Can you say, WAKE UP CALL... I have been counseling/coaching others for a while now. Sure I am really good at talking others thru heartbreak and pain... But my own?

I always wanted to "save the world"  The abused women and children. AND men. I wanted to let them know that it was ok to go. To get out, to be free. But what I have learned, in the past few months, I am not here to save the world. I am here to "serve the world".

I have the gift of helping others, and I will never give that up. Makes me feel great... But When I realized, I need to keep helping ME, I kind of panicked. No, I am lying, I did panic. My inner "boogyman" was yelling and screaming at me, cussing at me, etc... He has been hiding for a while. Maybe he went on a vacation or something, but let me tell ya , he is back and roaring. LOUD. 

See. I refuse to live by any rules. I refuse to listen to politicians, preachers, priests, my parents, bosses, etc... ( the preacher and priests deal is going to be in another post )

I decided a long time ago that I didn't need to live by anyone Else's rules, policy's whatever. Society has done all of this to people. BE this, Do that. You should or shouldn't do THIS OR THAT. Ya know what?  That is what is wrong with the teenagers I work with. Flippin Society....

So, what do I listen to? Who do I obey?  My inner self. My inner being. Not my inner boogyman, although he tries a lot... But my inner goddess. Divine, Higher self, whatever you wanna call it.

I am 44 years old and guess what?  No one has ever showed me the real deal. The true love, the anything.. Ya know why?  Because I didn't even know what any of it was. I have had not a single clue, who I was, why I was meant to be here, NOTTA.... Where did I came from?

Trust your inner light. Listen to it. Don't look to the outside world for acceptance. For advice on how you should look, what you should wear, etc... Hell, dress the way you want. Wear your hair the way you want. F*** everybody. Seriously.  Who are you?  Just be YOU... Because no one else will ever love you the way you deserve to be loved. FROM YOUR TRUE BEING.  You will not hear the truth, with all the busy-ness going on around you.  Dig deep. Listen to your inner "goddess" Trust her.
Involve into the women you are. You deserve to be. No-one else is going to do it for you.. Don't worry about "fitting in"  What exactly is that anyway?  Fit into what?  Someone else's perception on how things "should be"  BLA BLA BLA... What the HELL ever.  Don't fall for that for a second.....

always speak the truth, not to just others, but especially to yourself, even when it feels like a lie.

I hope you can really dig in and find your truth.  That's what being in this universe is all about.  Your wisdom, passion and purpose.  Never let anyone rob you of any of it.

Hugs,
Caitlin

Just Let Go

photo: weheartit.com



I am one to admit, for so long, I lived in the past. I lived with shame and self-hatred, for so many things that happened to me and what i did or didn't do. When my son committed suicide, for years I thought It was all my fault. I blamed myself, for not being a good enough mother. When my daughter was kidnapped from me, and I had to leave my other son, to go search for her.... It was my fault. She was taken from me, because I didn't deserve her. I left my son with my mom, to go find her. I had thought I didn't deserve him, either.

The point... All these tragic things happened to me ( and i hate this cliche) FOR A REASON.. But I don't know how else to put it. I have tried to fight my inner shadows ( ego) on this for some time now, but cannot quite shake it off. Through my psychology and life coaching classes, i heard a thousand times... You go through things, you go through pain, heartbreak, devastation.... You experience all that, because it drives you to your passion, your purpose here on earth. You couldn't tell me all that just a year ago, no way, I would have told you to go away, and in my mind, probably would have slapped you into another universe. ( Although , i am NOT a violent person) just still in so much pain over everything. SO to make this short today, I am just stressing to you, To please let the past go. Forgive yourself, for any mistakes you think you have made. Forgive others. Oh my GOSH that is the hardest thing to do! But it can be done. It's almost a new year. Do not start it off, with any regret or harsh feelings towards anyone, but most importantly... yourself. 

My passion and purpose here, is to help teen girls discover who they are. Hopefully, I can reach out to girls from the age of 3 or so. When they can learn to read, and really listen. I have reached out, contributed to, etc... many abuse and domestic violence causes but I am here to help these girls, from moment one KNOW who they truly are and who they can be.In My heart, I know this is the REAL PREVENTION of all the nasty abuse. We can donate money everyday to all the causes, but I don't see how this really helps. It may help by providing shelter and counseling, sure... But i am here, to get to the root of the problem. Helping Girls & women know they have a choice. The choice to discover their true inner being, to have so much self love, that not even the wildest Tiger can hurt her.
 I only wish I had known this stuff at an early age. I wouldn't have gone through as much as i did.  STRONG, COURAGEOUS, SELF LOVING. This is what it is all about. No girl of mine, will put up with any abusive person. They are going to have the strength to let go and walk away. Just like I am asking you now. LET GO of the past, just walk away... Your future is waiting. The universe needs you. We all need you, to become the happy, wonderful Goddess that you are!!!!!!!!!!

Xo,
Catie

What is YOUR purpose?

This may not be the smartest thing to do, But I am feeling a little frisky today. It's weird to feel extremely happy and so much sorrow at the same time. So I am going to share my innermost feelings today.

I have met some beautiful people in the blog world lately, who have totally turned my life around. Last week, for the 2nd time I read Debbie Ford's book, The dark side of the light chasers. This book will totally transform your life.  With getting back into my yoga and meditation, things just have seemed to be coming together for me, in so many ways. It has everything to do with, opening your heart and your mind. Getting rid of your shadows, learning forgiveness, and finally accepting the great divine that is within you. When you do that, all the doors start opening so fast, you don't know where to begin.

When you finally know, well ACCEPT... ( For I have known for some time ) when you realize and accept your purpose in this life, it will make you cry. Tears of happiness of course. Well, I can't even really say that it's happiness as much as it is relief. You soul just FEELS that it is so right. It's one of the best feelings in the world. Although I did kind of get upset for a second or two, because I thought that I have wasted so much time and energy in other things I thought I should be doing. But It was only for a quick minute. Because... If I hadn't of done all those things I wouldn't be as strong as I am today, as knowledgable, and TRULY on my Life's path of helping others.

I am a healer. I have always been one. Since as far back as I can remember. I am a victim of abandonment and abuse. I chose to work with these types of women and children over the years, to only find it extremely devastating, because of the system. Nothing seemed to work out for these people. Whether it was not enough shelters, foster parents, whatever. I have not been fortunate enough to take these people into my home, like I wanted to on many occassions trust me. But I did take every single one into my heart. No, I cannot save all of them, but I am on a mission, to try and help save at LEAST one at a time.

I have been a writer all my life as well. I started a novel years ago ( only to have it destroyed by my ex husband ) . I have started over on many occassions. But after my epiphany last week, I have put it aside to write other things. I am starting a book for teenage girls. Ya know, there are places you can go to donate to Domestic violence, child abuse, etc.... But what does that do? I sure know one thing.  In the 5 states I have lived in, there were MINIMAL resources for these victims. Claiming that the state does not have enough funds for these things. So this is my calling. I am going to teach girls, hopefully at a young age, to love and cherish themselves. To get to the core of their being, their soul, their heart. That is the first step. If they learn now, then For the majority of them, I am thinking that it will prevent them from being a victim of Domestic Violence. Why?  Because they will be strong and courageous. They will have enough self esteem and self respect to NOT get involved with someone who treats them badly. And if they do, of course not always knowing the "bad side" of all people, they will at least have the courage to LEAVE a situation if that occurs. After working with many women who have been victims, nothing irritated me more, or made me more sad, then them STAYING. Having 1000's of excuses why they could not leave. Again, My calling is to PREVENT this horrible violence and abuse, as much as I can. The young girls these days.... So many have broken homes, are victims of abuse from parents and boyfriends, are having babies way to young, so many are taking their own lives, because they see no way out, or see themselves unloved and useless. There was a 39 % increase in the year of 2009 of TEEN parents applying for welfare benefits.

 As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, you must have PASSION for what you are doing. I do. Sometimes I think way too much!  So wish me luck on my new journey.
Hugs & Fairydust,
Catie

P.S Here are a couple of the women who truly helped me!

juliekrull.com ( gotta read her everyday)
mandalareflections.com - Michele Edwards Harshenin- she is AMAZING!

Affirmation

 

I Love Myself Affirmation

By Louise Hay

Deep at the centre of my being,
there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface.
It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness,
my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions
and returns to me mutliplied.

The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.
The supply is endless.
The use of love makes me feel good,
it is an expression of my inner joy.

I love myself;
therefore, I take loving care of my body.
I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages,
I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly
responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore provide for myself
a comfortable home, one that fills
all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.

I fill the rooms with the vibration of love
so that all who enter, myself included,
will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself; therefore I work at a job I truly enjoy
doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities,
working with and for people I love and who love me,
and earning a good income.

I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving
way to all people for I know that that which I give out
returns to me multiplied.

I only attract loving people in my world,
for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore I forgive and totally release
the past and all past experiences and I am free.

I love myself; therefore I live totally in the now,
experiencing each moment as good and knowing that
my future is bright and joyous and secure,
for I am a beloved child of the Universe
and the Universe lovingly takes care of me
now and forever more.

And so it is.

by Louise Hay, from “You Can Heal Your Life”

The Manifesto of Encouragement

right now:
There are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endlessly reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness.
Someone you haven't met yet is already dreaming of adoring you.
Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.
Nuns in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of God's children.
A farmer is looking at his organic crops and whispering, "nourish them."
Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you. Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favourite food is, and treat you to a movie. Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give you -- for free.
Something is being invented this year that will change how your generation lives, communicates, heals and passes on.
The next great song is being rehearsed.
Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their heart chakras and wrapping it around the earth.
Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and will always be that way.
Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they'll be thriving like never before. They just can't see it from where they're at.
Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to ARRIVE, will get precisely what they want -- and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in it's reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all "So worth the wait."
Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression off of their psyche -- this luminous juju is floating in the ether, and is accessible to you.
Someone just this second wished for world peace, in earnest.
Someone is fighting the fight so that you don't have to.
Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, and your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time, and that you are generally safe. Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.
Someone is regaining their sanity. Someone is coming back from the dead. Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable. Someone is curing the incurable.



You. Me. Some. One. Now.

From the great:  http://whitehottruth.com/
Thanks Danielle!